The Captain
The one who handles it
You make the plans and you see them through: the holiday is booked by March and the bills are paid before anyone asks. When there is an argument you lower your voice, slow down and propose a fix. You show love by doing things, like collecting your partner late at night or sorting out the car, more than by saying them. You want a shared life with a clear direction, and it bothers you when an agreed plan is ignored.
Superpowers
- Calm in a row: when things get heated you speak more slowly, keep your voice down and stay in the room until there is a plan.
- Shared plans: you think in years, so savings, holidays and where you will live are on your mind long before anyone raises them.
- Doing what you said: if you offered to call the plumber or pick up their mother, it happens on the day you said.
Uncalibrated blind spot
Doing it all yourself
You take on problems without mentioning them: the overdraft, the call to the landlord, the worry about your job. Your partner finds out afterwards, or not at all, and starts to feel left out of decisions about their own home. Over time they stop offering help, because you never take it.